Sophisticated Taste

I decided to have a someone over for dinner, perhaps to get on the good graces of my dear family. We all engaged in delightful conversation, from topics of politics to basic insignificant banter. After dinner was over, my father decided to pour himself a glass of tangerine-flavored seltzer water.

Personally, I have never liked the taste of carbonated water. So when my father offered me some, I decided to express my profound dislike for the beverage.

"That stuff is gross," I said.

"That's because you're not sophisticated enough to enjoy it," my father replied. I felt the conversation had at that moment reached its ultimate maximum point of nonsense.

"Dad, isn't that stuff 99 cents a bottle?" I asked.

He paused for a moment.

"Well, it's actually two for a dollar," he recalled.

In an attempt to completely trivialize the statement he made earlier about seltzer being sophisticated, I drew on a reference from contemporary culture.

"Also dad, don't clowns spray each other with that stuff?"

The Negative Impact of Internet Familiarity

As it has been my recent custom to do, I've been spending most of my time at work for the purposes of making enough change to do some laundry. While folding napkins, there was some commotion at one of the cooking tables.

Interested in what was going on (because I had been folding napkins for the last 2 hours), I turned to listen as one customer frantically tried to explain what was going on.

Apparently, someone's 14-year-old grand daughter had thrown up all over the cooking table. I couldn't imagine why, but the funny part was how it was explained;

"She's vomiting!" exclaimed the frantic grandmother.
"And she needs a CUP to rinse her mouth out."

I listened further to the conversation.

"Just a cup, that's it. Just one cup, so she can get the taste of vomit out."

I was trying to no avail to conceal my laughter by this point. The way it was phrased, I couldn't help but be reminded of a certain internet reference.

Clearly, she wasn't.